8 big ways that your marriage might change after a baby

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Most moms dream of the day when they walk in the nursery and catch the sight of your husband changing your little baby, making the baby do a belly laugh, and your husband chuckling along, making silly faces.

Is this always the reality? No. Most expect that your marriage will be rock solid and stronger than ever with this baby connecting you two. However, for many different reasons, you may feel a disconnect with your husband? How is this possible?

5 big ways marriage changes after a baby

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You may feel envious of your husband

Envy is a strong feeling. So why is it the case that you might feel envy towards your significant other? There’s a meme floating around that says, “I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I just want to sleep like my husband.” Especially if you’re a breastfeeding mom, it may seem like your husband is getting off easy, especially in the middle of the night duties. He gets to stay in bed while you need to wipe off the sleepy eyes and go feed and change the baby multiple times a night.

Photo cred: Me.me

Sometimes it is also possible that you may feel envy that your husband gets to leave the house and go to his job, where he gets to interact with adults, and gets to be off parenting duty for a while.

How to fix it:

Keep an open line of communication. Chances are, your husband is equally as clueless when it comes to being able to assist your needs. Maybe your husband can’t help feed in the middle of the night, however, if you are formula feeding, he can help with that or by washing dishes and making the formula. If you are breastfeeding, he can help by bringing you water or other things you need.

If you bottle up frustration, it is like having a dam holding water that doesn’t have regular maintenance. It will soon burst, and start a flood. Holding in these feelings can cause a flood of resentment.

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You may feel like you hate your husband

You may feel yourself thinking “I am going to kill him!” at least….9384759837598374598 times in the first year of the baby’s life. I’m not joking. Even though you feel love for him, you may find yourself more frustrated with what he says or does.

What kind of things can make you feel this way? As new parents, you’re facing a lot of stress. You need to learn how to take care of a newborn, a house, cooking, and other duties, while your husband is stuck back at work and worrying about finances and his significant other at home. He may even be frustrated that he may be missing out on time with his baby.

How to fix it:

Figure out exactly where your frustration lies. This will give you a key to fix it. Think about the things that your husband does well, and talk to him honestly and openly about things he can work on. Don’t do this in an ambush, or at a time when he is busy or stressed. Pick your time wisely. Think of the things that you can live with, and try and let those feelings go. Your husband is likely stressed trying to learn everything too.

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You may feel like you no longer understand each other

As new moms, we eat, sleep and breathe our baby. Even if you’re away from your baby for a time, you’re thinking about if they are okay, if they are missing you, or what they are doing. You might be possessed with mental to-do list’s, that mountain of laundry waiting for you or the latest grocery list. Your husband, however, seems not to care about these things.

How to fix it:

Remember that men and women are wired differently. While women react more emotionally, men want to fix things. They think with judgment more than feelings. Act accordingly to this. William Doherty says in a quote from parents.com: “Women tend to ask questions instead of making direct statements because they don’t want to come off as controlling. The problem is that if your guy hears a question like this, the thought bubble over his head would read, “I know there’s a correct answer to this, but I have no idea what it is.” Remember, he’s not a mind reader.” Don’t be afraid to say things specifically and frankly with him.

hands into heart

You may feel more distant in your marriage

If your spouse is gone back to work, it may feel like you are living different lives. He is out there making money, dealing with adults, while you are home looking at a mountain of poopy diapers and dirty laundry.

How to fix it:

Try and make adult time, not just family time. If possible, schedule a date night regularly as you can manage. If you can’t do that, pick nap times or when the baby is down for the night to have time with just you and your significant other. Put down the phones and electronics, and have time between you and him to just pay attention to one another.

Check out this post on 100 Date Night Ideas for couples
No Spend Date Night Ideas for Couples.

You may feel like your roles are uneven in the household

As soon as the baby naps, you start on your huge list of chores. Your husband gets home, cracks a beer, and sits down while you clean around him. He goes to bed at 11, while you’re up with a restless baby. He gets up and heads to work, while your day repeats again.

How to fix it

A lot of times men just don’t have the same level of cleanliness in the house. While you want the dishes all done and put away and the laundry folded while it’s still hot, he might not care if it piles up a few days. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to ask him to step up if you need help. If you need dishes done, tell him.

For you guys: make sure your wife has the help she needs. PPD is so common after birth, and if she feels helpless with all of her duties, this may increase that risk. If she has everything under control, make sure to tell her how much you appreciate her role. If she feels secure and happy, that can aid in preventing PPD.

couples hands

You may no longer feel sexually satisfied

You’re exhausted and let’s be honest, you’re pretty worse for wear down there. Once you finally get your baby down, you just want to crash, and he wants to get busy.

How to fix it:

No one loves talking about sex. However, reach out and discuss it if it is bothering you. Don’t be afraid to make a schedule to make sure to get in alone time if needed.

For you guys: no matter if she had a natural birth or a c-section, understand that she is healing from a major ordeal, and won’t be in the mood like she used to. It has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally when she says no. Sex hurts a lot more for the first YEAR after birth. Remember that and take it slow.

See: Sex After Baby: What To Expect

You may have different parenting styles that sometimes causes tension

He wants to let your baby cry it out while you want to pick him up at every whimper. He believes you are too strict while you think he is too lenient. It seems that on certain things you just don’t agree.

How to fix it:

Consider where you can compromise. If it is possible, compromise is always better than arguing. If you feel like compromise just isn’t possible, consider the merits of both of your opinions. Start with what viewpoints that you have in common, and work up from there. You may look at the same area and have two different viewpoints. Be honest and open, and work from there.

He feels like he isn’t getting needed attention from you anymore

When it was just two people, it was easy to give the proper attention. However, now that you have this little baby who needs you for everything, it is hard to split your focus. He may feel left out now that you are so preoccupied with the baby.

How to fix it:

Try and be aware of ways that you can give your spouse more attention. As mentioned, try and make time for just the two of you.

Check out this post on 25 awesome date night ideas for busy parents

Think of ways that you can include him in the childcare. Don’t forget, as a new dad, he is learning the ropes of how to take care of a child. Include him in preparing food, changing diapers and clothes, or giving the baby a bath.

For you guys: if you feel like you want more attention, reach out to your wife. Of course, choose the time wisely. Don’t pick when she is busy or stressed. Choose a relaxed time when the baby is down. Think of ways that you can help fix the issue.

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25 Awesome Date Night Ideas for Busy Parents

Babies can change everything about a marriage, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. What are some ways your marriage changed after a baby? What did you do to solve it? Comment below!

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6 thoughts on “8 big ways that your marriage might change after a baby

  1. I love this. I love how you gave the husband’s perspective on things when he’s away at work. It’s hard to remember to think about his feelings too. The bottom line is totally to just talk everything out. My husband and I do a makeshift date night at home since our kids are so small. We put the kids to bed and then we have a special dinner that’s just for us and we watch our shows together.

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